| affluenza: (n.) 1. a condition resulting from the excessive desire for material goods. 2.
keeping up with the Jones' 3. a painful, contagious, socially-transmitted condition of overload, debt,
anxiety and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more. --from the book Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic |
| America: (n.) 1. the continents of North and South America, arrogantly assumed by many residents of the USA to refer solely to their country. 2. an area invaded by Europeans whose descendants now whine that it's being invaded by non-Europeans. |
| assmosis: (n.) 1. the process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss. |
| Bible: (n.) 1. one of the most quoted yet least read books in the world. 2. an old book written and edited by many people who were inspired by their belief in God and exagerations of the life of Jesus, and composed of volumes including the Torah and additional chapters (so-called Old Testament) and the Christian chapters (so-called New Testament) -- newer testaments by Mohammed and Joseph Smith are found in separate bibles. 3. a book containing truths, parables, poetry, opinions, historical fiction and absurd directives (see Open Letter to Dr. Laura). 4. a self-serving document used to justify, condemn or condone just about anything. |
| blamestorming: (v.) sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. |
| bridge: (n.) two weaknesses leaning against each
other; and in doing so, become strong. --paraphrased from Leonardo Di Vinci |
| Christianity: (n.) The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever after death, if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a woman who was created from a man's rib was convinced by a talking snake to eat an apple from a forbidden magical tree. |
| corporation: (n.) an ingeneous device for obtaining individual profit without
individual responsibility. --Ambrose Bierce |
| femaroids: (n.) 1. females who have a disdain for male sexuality. 2. women who seek out men who will treat them poorly in order to affirm their misbelief that all men are scum 3. women who are out to dismantle the oppressive patriarchy and replace it with an equally unfair matriarchy. |
| forploy: (n.) any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. |
| generica: (n.) features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls and subdivisions. "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in." |
| giraffiti: (n.) vandalism spray-painted very, very high. |
| Glockoma: (n.) a disease that causes a blind eye to be turned to the hand-gun problem in America. |
| ignoranus: (n.) a person who's both stupid and an asshole. |
| intaxication: (n.) euphoria at getting a tax refund, until you realize that it was your money to start with. |
| irritainment: (n.) entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. |
| laboratory animal: (n.) a furry foot-soldier drafted in the name of science, who may die nobly in the battle to eradicate some human disease; but then again, may suffer so that we might produce a peach-scented dandruff shampoo. |
| Libertarian: (n.) one who advocates basing society on the ignorant, selfish, irrational desires of short-lived individuals over the good of the people, the environment and future generations. See also http://world.std.com/~mhuben/faq.html |
| loopus: (n.) shriveling of ego caused by being left out of important meetings. |
| reintarnation: (n.) coming back to life as a hillbilly. |
| religion: (n.) a system that can be used to justify doing bad things, even by good people. |
| sarchasm: (n.) the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. |
| stress puppy: (n.) a person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. |
| techgnomes: (n.) creatures that sneak into your electronic equipment and cause inexplicable things to happen. |
| techstosterone: (n.) a hormone found in engineers, computer
nerds and other techies which compels them
to display certain antisocial and asocial
behaviors, such as: argue vehemently over
minute and irrelevant technical details;
incessantly display their superior knowledge
(real or imagined) in an attempt to gain
admiration of their peers (if successful,
the nerd is known as the "alpha geek");
assert that anyone who doesn't agree with
them is "lame" or "an idiot";
and spend far too much time in the company
of gadgets and web sites, and far too little
in the presence of real people. --Richard Turk |
| tradition: (n.) what you follow before you know better. |
| ultracrepidarian: (n., adj.) a person who gives opinions beyond his scope of knowledge. | ultracrepidate: (v.i.) to venture beyond one's province; presume. |
| white supremacists: (n.) the most convincing argument against the assertion of white racial superiority. |