| affluenza: (n.) 1. a condition resulting from the excessive desire for material goods. 2. keeping up with the Jones' 3. a painful, contagious, socially-transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more. --from the book Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic |
| America: (n.) 1. the continents of North and South America, arrogantly assumed by many residents of the USA to refer solely to their country. 2. an area invaded by Europeans whose descendants now whine that it's being invaded by non-Europeans. |
| assmosis: (n.) 1. the process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss. |
| Bible: (n.) 1. one of the most quoted yet least read books in the world. 2. a haphazard jumble of parables, fables, psalm lyrics, legendary folklore and absurd directives (see Open Letter to Dr. Laura). 3. an immoral guide to animal cruelty, incest, slavery, child abuse, spousal abuse, child molestation, abortion, murder, cannibalism, genocide and prejudice. 4. a book of two major volumes, the Torah (Pentateuch) and additional chapters (together called the Old Testament) and the Christian chapters (called the New Testament), written and edited by ignorant, savage and bigoted humans. (newer testaments by Mohammed and Joseph Smith are found in separate bibles) 5. stories passed down by superstitious illiterate goat herders who were inspired by their belief in their local mountain god, and more recently from the exagerations of the life of a Jew named Jesus who might not have even existed. 6. a self-serving document used to justify, condemn or condone just about anything. |
| blamestorming: (v.) sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. |
| bridge: (n.) two weaknesses leaning against each other; and in doing so, become strong. --paraphrased from Leonardo Di Vinci |
| Christianity: (n.) 1. the bizarre belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever after death, if you symbolically drink his blood, eat his flesh, and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a woman who was created from a man's rib was convinced by a talking snake to eat an apple from a forbidden magical tree. 2. the belief that a human sacrifice thousands of years ago in Palistine somehow vicariously redeems us from sin. --paraphrased from Christopher Hitchens |
| corporation: (n.) an ingeneous device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. --Ambrose Bierce |
| faith: (n.) 1. believing what you know ain't so. --Mark Twain 2. believing without evidence or even contrary to evidence 3. not caring if what you believe is false 4. pretend that you have the answer without bothering to research it. 5. trusting feelings like a fat man trusts ravenous hunger shortly after eating a large meal against his better judgement. 6. like walking around with a heavy bag over the head, confident that the trips and falls are challenges placed there along the right path. 7. faith moves no mountains but puts mountains where there are none; a quick walk through a madhouse enlightens one sufficiently about this. --Fredrich Nietzsche 8. foolishness. |
| femaroids: (n.) 1. females who have a disdain for male sexuality. 2. women who seek out men who will treat them poorly in order to affirm their misbelief that all men are scum 3. women who are out to dismantle the oppressive patriarchy and replace it with an equally unfair matriarchy. |
| forploy: (n.) any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. |
| generica: (n.) features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls and subdivisions. "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in." |
| giraffiti: (n.) vandalism spray-painted very, very high. |
| Glockoma: (n.) a disease that causes a blind eye to be turned to the hand-gun problem in America. |
| God: (n.) the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument. --George Carlin |
| ignoranus: (n.) a person who's both stupid and an asshole. |
| intaxication: (n.) euphoria at getting a tax refund, until you realize that it was your money to start with. |
| irritainment: (n.) entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. |
| Islam: (n.) 1. a religion based on the hallucinations of a pedophile while alone in a cave and not giving his brain any nutrition at the time. 2. a religion and social structure that's so pathetically weak that it can't handle anyone else in the whole world that doesn't follow it and can't tolerate any criticism. |
| laboratory animal: (n.) a furry foot-soldier drafted in the name of science, who may die nobly in the battle to eradicate some human disease; but then again, may suffer so that we might produce a peach-scented dandruff shampoo. |
| Libertarian: (n.) one who advocates basing society on the ignorant, selfish, irrational desires of short-lived individuals over the common good, future generations, and the ecosystems upon which they stand. See also Mike Huben's Critique of Libertarianism. |
| loopus: (n.) shriveling of ego caused by being left out of important meetings. |
| luck: (n.) probability taken personally. |
| racial supremacists (e.g. white supremacists): (n.) the most convincing argument against the assertion of racial superiority. |
| reintarnation: (n.) coming back to life as a hillbilly. |
| religion: (n.) 1. a system that can be used to justify doing bad things, even by good people. 2. nothing more than a grasp for power in a fancy dress. 3. a concerted effort to maintain relevance of ancient outmoded quaint scriptures. 4. a belief system that allows perfectly sane and neurologically healthy people to believe things by the millions that only mentally ill people could believe on their own. --paraphrased from Sam Harris |
| sarchasm: (n.) the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. |
| secularism: (n.) the view that religious outlooks, though perfectly entitled to exist and have their say, are not entitled to a bigger slice of the public pie than any other self-constituted, self-appointed, self-selected and self-serving civil society organization. --AC Grayling |
| stress puppy: (n.) a person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. |
| techgnomes: (n.) creatures that sneak into your electronic equipment and cause things to go awry inexplicably. |
| techstosterone: (n.) a hormone found in engineers, computer nerds and other techies which compels them to display certain antisocial and asocial behaviors, such as: argue vehemently over minute and irrelevant technical details; incessantly display their superior knowledge (real or imagined) in an attempt to gain admiration of their peers (if successful, the nerd is known as the "alpha geek"); assert that anyone who doesn't agree with them is "lame" or "an idiot"; and spend far too much time in the company of gadgets and web sites, and far too little in the presence of real people. --Richard Turk |
| tradition: (n.) 1. what to follow before you learn better. 2. bicycle training wheels for your mind before it matures. |
| ultracrepidarian: (n., adj.) a person who gives opinions beyond his scope of knowledge. | ultracrepidate: (v.i.) to venture beyond one's province; presume. |